Why A blog?

Why am I doing this? Good question. To be perfectly honest, I’m still not sure. I think, mostly, I need a change now that I’ve reached the ripe ol’ age of fifty-one. See, the thing is, I recently did a soft and quiet retirement from writing (more about that in another post). As a full-time, work-from-home-mom. I have it easy in about a zillion different ways—and I’m infinitely grateful for the privilege of working while also being a hands-on mom. Bonus points for loving my job, the company I work for, and my colleagues. But a part of me felt uncomfortable being in the author-shere given that I work for a publisher. Also, I was grinding gears and running myself to the ground.

My side gig as a (not very successful) romance author meant I jumped right into a second full-time profession the moment I ended my main one for the day. An insider secret? Writing is more than just writing. As an independently published author, I was the writer, marketing team, PR person, social media manager, graphics designer, and accountant. It’s long hours, highly competitive, and super stressful. At my age, I simply can’t compete, and realized I was okay with stepping away from that career.

Also, I help my husband run his side hustle because life is expensive. Every penny counts.

Then there’s the gym my husband and I try to go to at least four days a week because, a year ago, my mother died from a myriad of health complications. Two major contributors to her death were byproducts of diverticulitis caused by poor diet and a lack of activity, and blood clots she developed in her legs that were also caused by her severe sedentary lifestyle.

After two anterior cervical discectomy and fusion surgeries within five years of each other, I’m fighting to prolong an inevitable third. Also, now that I’ve gone through the “change”—A.K.A. menopause—I’m still experiencing hot flashes, and I’m about 10 pounds overweight (I’m 4’11” and 115 pounds—which people think is good, but I have a ginormous belly, and that’s bad). My bone density has decreased, and my spine is shaped like an upside-down question mark after two pregnancies. I’m gluten and lactose-intolerant (thankfully, no Celiac Disease), and I have Epstein Barr. That last part is something I’ve never spoken about publicly until now. 7.3 billion people suffer from this virus worldwide, yet there’s so much needless shame associated with it. Time to end the stigma.

I’m a real catch, huh?

No, but seriously, maintaining my physical and mental health has become an obsession for me over the last year because, frankly, I don’t want to go out the same way my mother did. Withered, sad, and painful.

Or perhaps I’m doing this just because I need a place to vent. To share some honest talk because sometimes, I cry when I’m alone in the car after picking up my daughter’s insulin because she has type 1 diabetes, and it sucks for her and breaks my heart. Also, I miss my mom even though, throughout my adult life, we had a tumultuous relationship. Now that she’s gone, I’m conflicted and sad. I don’t know. But I hope I’m not the only aging and messy woman out there struggling to hold herself together while also being the foundation her family stands on.

Guess we’ll find out together.