Things My Kids Have Thrown Away

Do you like owning silverware? Cool. Then don't have kids.

Like using pens? All ours are gone.

Drinking glasses and dishes? Broken.

Toys? Offered up to the garbage gods.

We're down to three spoons and six forks. We once had a set of dishes that fed eight. We now have only enough to feed four. If we have people over for dinner, we have to pull out the holiday china - complete with mistletoe design.

Whenever I tell Tyler (who's seven) to clean her room, she emerges carrying a load of shopping bags filled with toys she doesn't want. Rather than toss them, we have a toy graveyard in the basement. No joke, whenever Tyler goes down there, she inevitably gravitates to that cemetery, ultimately asking Frankie to "please bring them upstairs" because she suddenly loves them again.

Since pens go missing, I'm forever buying economy packs. Still, I'll find myself tearing our house apart looking for one...only to have to sign homework in pencil. Forget writing checks. Gotta do that in ink, so off I go to the store to buy the 4,502,583 pack of pens.

I've had to eat ice cream with a fork and cereal with a wooden serving spoon. I've no clue where an entire set of silverware went. I can only assume they got tossed in the trash.

Before I had kids, I never dreamed I'd have to hide typing paper. But, there I am, hoarding it like a crazy person so my kids don't use it up. I've looked Tyler right in the face ad outright lied about having band-aids. Sorry, but they're not exactly cheap. I won't waste them on imaginary cuts.

And wtf? How in the hell do they lose phone chargers? I buy at least one a month.

And can someone please explain how a thirteen-year-old can rip through a bottle shampoo in a week? I've caught her throwing away bottle that was only half empty. Her reason? She didn't like the way it smelled.  And Tyler uses enough conditioner to soften the hair of everyone within a ten-block radius...only to toss it before it's all used because she thought once it gets low, it no longer "works".

So tell me... What goes missing in your home?

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