Things I've Learned After I Became A Parent: Volume 1

Before I became a parent, I was confident there wasn't a wrong way to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Wrong. 

As a parent, I've learned...

  • You can, indeed, make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich wrong.
  • Picking out the 'wrong' shirt for a child can destroy their entire day.
  • If you spend more than 15 minutes on dinner, chances are your kids won't like it.
  • A human body can survive on 2 hours of sleep and 9 cups of coffee.
  • Stepping on a Lego hurts more than getting your finger closed in a car door.
  • I can look a child directly in the face and lie without a single drop of remorse.
  • I can stand there and listen to Tyler tell me a story - restarting it 4,395,649 times - and still not hear a single word she says.
  • The moment I fix myself something to eat, one (or both) of my kids will suddenly declare they are starving - after I've asked them repeatedly if they're hungry.
  • The moment I step into the shower, or sit my ass on the toilet, one (or both) of my kids will have a major catastrophe.
  • I never knew I could outright hate a child until one said something nasty to one of my daughters.
  • If I clean the house, my children will gross it up again within hours.

What about you? What have you learned since becoming a parent?