I Wish It Was Five Years Ago

I hate when Facebook shows 'memories' that date back to when Lyrical thrived, and our family had, not only financial stability, but a bit of a surplus. More than being able to take vacations, we laid our head on our pillows each night and slipped off to sleep without a care in the world. We weren't wealthy. Not by any means. But our bills were paid (often in advance). If our daughters needed something, we were able to provide it for them without life's little 'extras' hitting us in the wallet. And yes, we took vacations. Whether it was a day trip, or a week-long stay at Disney World, we could pack up and go on a adventure. 

Back then, Frankie loved his job. He was a bakery manager for Pathmark, which went bankrupt in a spectacularly awful implosion. 

With me running Lyrical, I could backup our MacBook and take the company with us everywhere we went. And I was good at running that micro publishing house. Of course, I didn't do it alone. We had a small team of editors who helped make Lyrical amazing. And out authors... My goodness. What a talented bunch of people! Even all these years later, I still remember every contract we drafted, and the thrill of helping to bring those stories to an eager audience. 

We had a great life.

And then Lyrical's sales started to slip. Pathmark went bankrupt. Our world spiraled...

...and continued to spiral until we crashed.

We still have a great life, but it's different now. We're quieter with each other because we are both lost in our own thoughts on how to get back to financial comfortability. We're tired all the time since neither of us sleep well. We've lost our smiles and our laughter because behind even our happiest moments lurk worries that stress us to our breaking points. 

I have a five year plan, one Frankie has little faith in. Not because he lacks faith and trust in me to see it fruition. He's just lost all hope of ever clawing out of the muck we're drowning in. But I have faith in us, and I know within five years we will begin a better place. Physically and mentally. Why? Because I never back away from a challenge. Ever. But even I’m losing hope. And that scares me.