Happy Valentine's Day. Kids Are C*ckblocks

Happy Valentine's day, you gorgeous beast! Hope this day is filled with love, chocolates, and flowers. And for you non-parent folks, lots of sex.

To my peps with kids, the only f*cking going on is how your kids will screwed you out of sex today -- and all the other days of the year.

Don't get me wrong, you might have a quickie in the bathroom every now and then. If you're daring enough, you might even do it after the kids go to sleep. Yeah, try to have fun with that...as you stop every ten seconds to make sure you don't hear the kids. Holding a pillow over your face so the kids don't hear you. Yeah. Real sexy.

If your lucky, it might last long enough to squeeze out a fast orgasm before one of the kids knocks on the locked door for their third glass of water.

Kids are total c*ckblocks.

I swear they must have sexy-time radar. Like, some red light flashes, and an alarm goes off inside their heads: Parents are trying to have alone time, must shut that down!

This is exactly the sort of crap no one warned me about before we had kids. I foolishly believed life would go on as normal, only with tiny people along for the ride.

Stop laughing at me.

So, here's to my fellow mommies who just want a few uninterrupted, kid-free minutes today. May your children fall asleep early, and may you stay awake long enough to enjoy that time alone with your significant other.

Ha! Who am I kidding? We're all gonna pass right out from exhaustion as soon as those little c*ckblocks are asleep.